self control

wedding stress is on! less than a month until the day! i'm truly in disbelief! it feels like it should still be so far away - it seems like just yesterday i was counting down at 93 days... and yet at other times, it seems like its not coming fast enough.

but i seem (at least to myself) to be handling the stress alright. i'm down to the wire almost, but things have gone according to plan, and i think i'm right on schedule. keep your fingers crossed that it continues to go that way. i'm down to pictures mostly. hopefully the invitations will be done this time next week, and i'm taking bridals this weekend. i am so excited!

however, this brings me to my latest quandary. so a little known fact about me is that i tend to eat when i get stressed. i've always been a decent eater - i take after my mom. back in the day, she could eat a horse. in fact, i recall several stories of her out-eating my dad when they were dating and first married.

funny story: so the first time my dad brought my mom home to meet his family, they had a home-cooked meal made by my grandma. my dad is the youngest of 5, and his two older brothers constantly tease anyone and everyone. so apparently at dinner, when they thought my mom wasn't looking the kept loading up her plate. but my mom, being the secretly sassy woman that she is, would just keep eating and eating. she amazed the brothers and got their vote of approval.

digressing, i've always been able to hold my own when it comes to eating. i'm no dainty eater by any means. but when i get stressed, all i want to do is eat. i find strange comfort in food. not like chocolate or usual comfort food. i like heavy meals - multiple courses and variations. so the stress comes and here i come with a fork, ready to feast. its a bad habit. particularly at this time of life. i'm getting married in 30 days. i have a dress that was altered to fit me perfectly - at the time of the fitting. that was a month ago. do you know what happens to a girl who eats when she gets stressed and she's a month away from her wedding? yup. scary thought. a perfect dress, a million photos to be taken, and an imperfect girl. horrible combination. so i'm trying to control myself.

my dad keeps reminding me - in fact, he came into my office this morning to drop something off, and my boss, scott, was standing at my desk, i introduced them, they made small talk and then my dad said this: "don't let her have any candy on her desk. she's got a dress she needs to fit into." thanks, dad. i really appreciate it...

so i'm trying to exercise and not gorge myself due to stress, but i'll have you know it is painfully difficult for me. i've never really believed in diets because i've never needed one. i was blessed with the hebdon metabolism growing up which helped keep me thin. don't get me wrong - i'm still proportionately small, but not as small as i used to be. that blasted bakery and all this stress did me in.

and now i have a deadline.
30 days till hundreds of people see me in my dress.
4 days until i take pictures in my dress for everyone to see.

that's not a lot of time.
now i'm stressed again.
self control and discipline, shanna. self control.
maybe i'll just quit work and go work out everyday.

ha ha who am i kidding?!

self control. i've got this.

my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit. my dress will fit...
--- the power of positive thinking: if i say it 5o times, it might be true... ha ha ha


actual comments from this week at work: "no, i don't want to go to lunch today, coworkers. i have a dress to fit into." "please don't put those donuts on my desk." "no, i don't think an 'all-you-can-eat' is a good idea for lunch."