attempted robbery

so apparently someone stole the passcode to the alarm system to the credit union and called and put the system into 'test mode' - which means the system can't work for an hour.

now why would a person put the system in test mode if there wasn't an ulterior motive? right. they wouldn't. so as of this minute, our building is in lockdown.

no one goes in. no one goes out.

the thing about my desk is that its out in the open. its the reception area. there are no doors to go through to get to my desk. so they made me move into a locked office. and here i sit. hoping the battery on this notebook doesn't die. then i would be super bored.

*cough*

(the following are actual events. all coughs are recorded
and inserted when actual coughs took place.)

there's nothing worse than a cough.

*cough*cough*

ridiculous. i have the weakest cough on the planet. probably due to the fact *cough* that my lungs stick to my ribs and cause excessive *cough* amounts of pain... yep. that must be it.

*cough* *cough*

nonetheless, i sound like a *cough*cough* doped up mouse. and it annoys me to no end. i've been *cough* coughing all day and all *cough* night for the past 48 hours.

*cough*cough*cough*

bring on the menthol-eucalyptus drops.
bring on the nasty cough syrup.
anything to make me stop coughing.

*cough*

We Thank Thee, O God, for a Prophet

We thank thee, O God, for a prophet

to guide us in these latter days.
We thank thee for sending the gospel
to lighten our minds with its rays.
We thank thee for every blessing
bestowed by thy bounteous hand.
We feel it a pleasure to serve thee
and love to obey thy command.

When dark clouds of trouble hang o'er us
and threaten out peace to destroy,
there is hope smiling brightly before us,
and we know that deliverance is nigh.
We doubt not the Lord nor his goodness.
We've proved him in days that are past.
The wicked who fight against Zion
will surely be smitten at last.

We'll see of his goodness and mercy.
We'll praise him by day and by night,
rejoice in his glorious gospel,
and bask in his life-giving light.
Thus on to eternal perfection the honest and faithful will go,
while they who reject this glad message
shall never such happiness know.

As most of the world knows by now,
our beloved Prophet and President of
the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints,
President Gordon B. Hinckley passed away last night.

I was at Branson's house and got several phone calls and text messages with the news. Initially I was peacefully heartbroken. But the more I heard and the more I thought about it, the more I was filled with joy! What a great blessing it is to know the plan of salvation. To know exactly where he went and who he was with. And what a magnificent reunion I'm sure it was between him and his life-long sweetheart, Sister Marjorie Pay Hinckley. What a perfect match! I want to be like her. She is one of my heroes. And one day, when I'm old, someone will love me like President Hinckley loves her.

I have had the privilege of being in President Hinckley's presence more times that I think I deserve. But a few of my favorite memories are those times around him. I have been to multiple sessions of General Conference and can never shake the overwhelming feeling of "This man is called of God." When he walked into the room the spirit manifest it so strongly. The hush that falls. 21,000 people on their feet, not making a sound. That's incredible. The choir stands and sings, "We Thank Thee, O God, for a Prophet" and I am completely overwhelmed. Its the most incredible feeling in the world.

But my favorite is after the close of the meeting, when he gets on his feet. The organ is blaring postlude music and lame people start to leave. But the ones who linger are blessed to see President Hinckley's smiling face as he leaves the stand. He looks up, smiles and waves his cane. Not just once, but three times. And those lucky saints who decide to stay are humbled and blessed to see such a cheerful servant of the Lord.

I love it. You couldn't help but smile and laugh quietly to yourself at what a cute man he is.

When I was almost 9 years old, I was asked to sing in a choir for the Centennial of Utah. It was 1996, and President Hinckley had been a prophet for less than a year. The program was long and I was antsy to leave, but one of the choir directors who was a family friend, pulled me aside and said, "Shan, the First Presidency will be in the north west corner of the building. Go shake their hands!" What 9 year old girl, let alone anyone, would pass up that opportunity?! I made my way over, but had to wait in a line. For being 9 years old, I was fairly calm and collected, and waited patiently.

It was finally my turn. "I get to meet the prophet!" I remember saying that over and over again in my head. I looked up to see President Hinckley's smiling face, standing next to President Monson and President Faust. They each shook my hand, but when I got to President Hinckley, he firmly shook my hand and looked into my eyes.

"You have the cutest smile I have ever seen," he said, while I turned as red as the stripes on the flag behind me. I mustered a shaky "Thank you, President Hinckley," and he looked over at President Monson and said, "She is going to be a great missionary someday, wouldn't you say?" President Monson nodded in agreement and I was speechless. All I could do was smile. I was beaming.

I love President Hinckley. He has been the prophet for a large portion of my life. 13 years. Incredible. I am going to miss hearing him in General Conference, as well as his cute shaking hands to emphasize a point in his talks. But I am thrilled to see what President Monson will focus on as prophet, seer and revelator. What a brilliant successor. It will be great.

"This is a time to be strong. It is a time to move forward without hesitation, knowing well the meaning, the breadth and the importance of our mission. It is a time to do what is right regardless of the consequences that might follow. It is a time to be found keeping the commandments. It is a season to reach out with kindness and love to those in distress and to those who are wandering in darkness and pain. It is a time to be considerate and good, decent and courteous toward one another in all our relationships. In other words, to become more Christlike.""It isn’t as bad as you sometimes think it is.

It all works out. Don’t worry.

I say that to myself every morning.

It will all work out.

Put your trust in God,

and move forward with faith

and confidence in the future.

The Lord will not forsake us.

He will not forsake us.

If we will put our trust in Him,

if we will pray to Him,

if we will live worthy of His blessings,

He will hear our prayers."

President Gordon Bitner Hinckley 1910-2008

weather

it
is

f
r
e
e
z
i
n
g

c
o
l
d

and i'm sick of it. yeah snow is great during the holidays, but one can only take so much of it. i'm ready for spring. i think that it should snow from thanksgiving til january 15, but after that it should be warm - spring! and it should stay warm until july when it can be hot but then again in august it should cool off to just warm until halloween. then from halloween til thanksgiving it can gradually get cold enough to snow. but never colder! none of this 3 degree weather. that's just sick.

Order

The order of the Priesthood is pretty cool if you ask me.
It is especially awesome when all of the boys slash men
in your family hold the authority.
Braden is only 10 and isn't old enough,
but is preparing for the day when he is!
Tanner is a deacon.
Bryson is a teacher.
Taylor is a priest.
Austin is an elder.
Daddy is a high priest.
Grandad is the patriarch of my family.

SIDENOTE: Grandad doesn't smile in pictures. He generally has a stone face. But occasionally I'll catch his smile and it is phenomenal! I love it! So when they were taking this picture, I turned to Grandad and said, " You have to smile in this picture. You're much cuter when you smile." And it made him laugh. And he smiled. And isn't he cute?

What a good looking group of men. I love them.

gamblin'

So here's something I don't get... Gambling. Sure, I'm down with trading cookies or services of some kind (appropriate ones... what were you thinking??) But when it comes to down to money... I just don't get it. Why would you throw away money like that?
You only have such great odds to win... And this may be
the molly mormon in me... But the prophet
said not to. And he wouldn't say it for no reason.

But whatev. If you deem gambling as kosher, then who am I to argue? I'm just a girl who doesn't understand the rules of texas hold 'em and hates losing money on a hand of cards.

mild concussion

concussion: \kən-ˈkə-shən\ (n.) a stunning, shattering or damaging effect from a hard blow; a jarring injury to the brain.

etymology: 14th century Middle English concussioun, from Latin concussion-, concussio, from concutere to shake violently, from com- + quatere to shake.

symptoms: headache, lightheaded, nauseous, dizzy, blurred vision, etc.

story: i was walking up a flight of stairs and branson said something to me so i turn around to look at him, but i caught the corner of the dropped ceiling above the stairs and hit my head (mind you i've never had to worry about hitting my head there... i'm too short. its never been and issue. and i wasn't wearing tall shoes. but i was just at the right angle on the stairs), whereupon i slid down the wall in pain. i grabbed some unidentified food product out of the freezer and placed it on the enormous bump on my head. it was bitterly cold and eventually started to thaw. so i switched it out with a bag of peas that i'm most certain have been in that freezer longer than i've been around. disgusting.

all fine and dandy. i was a little tired and had a wicked headache but was ok. until i was at work the next morning. i couldn't stay awake. and my vision was slightly blurred. but i took some drugs and felt slightly better. until i was at the institute last night and got hit in the face again. i got really dizzy and felt really fatigued. bummer.

so here i sit. with no energy slash motive to get anything done here at work. i think i may go home and sleep it off. just what the doctor would order, right? "i went to 12 years of medical school to tell you to sleep and drink lots of water." i'll pass on the doctor's visit thank you. unless its dr mcdreamy... then i'm all for it.

Broken Promises

i have officially broken my longest running promise to myself. when i was 14 i stated, nay declared, that if there wasn't a diamond ring on my finger or at least a conversation about said ring, i would turn in mission papers on january 10, 2008. it seemed so far away then.
so far it almost seemed to disappear into the distance of
the time space continuum. and yet, the day has arrived.
and i feel ominously overwhelmed.

overwhelmed because i don't know what i feel. i'm not completely at peace with the idea of going. but i'm not at war with it either. its the situation of good vs good. why is it a good thing opposed to a good thing? if it were a good thing opposed to a bad thing, my decision would be made up. but the answer to prayer thus far has been,
"whatever you choose will be right".
how upsetting of an answer is that.
i know that whatever i choose will be fine
and i will be successful either way.
i just wish i had more direction in that decision.

lets be honest... i would be an adorable missionary with adorable missionary dresses and adorable missionary shoes... i know. and i would love it. and i would be great at it. i've even already written an outline of what i would say in my farewell talk. and i'll tell you what... its good. however, leaving for 18 months to serve is such a hard concept for me to grasp right now. leaving... even thinking about
that word gets me a little choked up.
but the blessings that would come from it would be

absolutely and utterly magnificent!

i can't even imagine how magnificent they would be.

but as of now i can go. anytime. i'm old enough.
the decision only waits on me now. no one else.

subject to change

life has a funny way of making up your mind. you can be so dead set on something one minute, and the next, its merely a fleeting thought you once considered. i'm not sure i understand it. it seems a little complex, actually. to have polar opposite thought processes concerning the same subject matter - how does that happen? what does it take to fully convince yourself of your opinion and stick with it?

last night i spent several hours with branson, jade, etc. before she left for the mtc.

sidenote: JADE OZAWA is the most fantastically phenomenal person i have ever met. she has recently become my hero (unbeknownst to her). and swiftly climbed up my fav five (which truth be told actually consists of more than 5. its more like the fav 5x5). we are the same height - that is neat. but this girl is so gracefully opinionated. and beautiful. whoever gets her for eternity is one blessed dude. and he better recognize. jade was called to serve a mission in taiwan. as a matter of fact, i am fairly positive in saying she is driving to the mtc right this very minute. she will be a marvelous missionary. those lucky asians.

part of why i find this all so intruiging is due to the fact that i have been going back and forth about a mission for two years. and as of tomorrow i have officially reached the age to go. january 10. 3 months before i turn 21. frightening. i have always wanted to serve a mission. and when i say always, i literally mean since i can remember. one of my earliest, most lucid memories is sitting in my ctr class in primary, my name pulled out of a jar, and picking "i hope they call me on a mission" as the song to sing. however, the pianist couldn't play the song. i was asked to pick another, but then immediately shut down that idea by volunteering to play it myself. i sat down at the piano in front of 20 or so other kids and proceeded to play, singing simultaneously to my hearts content:

i hope they call me on a mission

when i have grown a foot or two

i hope by then i will be ready

to teach and preach and work as missionaries do

i hope that i can share the gospel

with those who want to know the truth

i want to be a missionary

and serve and help the Lord while i am in my youth

the words penetrated my heart and i was dead set on it. anyone asked? my 21st birthday, i would celebrate by going to the mtc. and no one could stop me. or so i thought.

who knew that the one person to stop me would be myself? certainly not i. i am still not sure what exactly happened. but as the days approach, i get more and more nervous about it. leaving for 18 months in my current state of life would be the most difficult thing ever. not that i wouldn't be endlessly blessed for it. but i just can't bring myself to fully commit to going. which tells me quite loudly that its not right. now.

the thing about it is, life is subject to change. without notice. and there's nothing to be done to change that. it is what makes life exciting. change. things change every second of every day. weather. fads. thoughts. perceptions.

---

so maybe in a year i will be serving somewhere. or perhaps i will be a student. or maybe i will be madly in love and planning a wedding.

life happens. i'm just waiting to see how.

2008

Well, it is officially a week into 2008... I can't believe how fast it came! I swear I was just in Jr High and we were all getting used to writing 2000, opposed to 1999. Weird. Its crazy how time flies! It really does! I even remember in High School when
my friends and I would all talk about the future, etc...
and the year 2008 sounded so far away.

In fact, I projected that I would get married in 2008. That's crazy! Ha ha I'm by no means close to marriage - Oh committal issue laden girl that I am... But 2008 is here, and its bound to be an eventful year! So many things are possible! I'm excited...

So here's to a year full of fun adventures! Happy New Year...

New Year

With the new year already here, I've made some resolutions. But I've decided not to call them resolutions. Its such a daunting title... "I resolve to set goals for myself this year that I will either swiftly forget about or disregard entirely come spring." What a waste of resolve, right? So I've decided there are things I want to do this year. 2008. The year of Champions. (Or something that sounds equally awesome when it hits your ears.)

Things I want to do in 2008...

Its going to be a checklist of sorts. I will:

laugh everyday. be financially wise. become a scriptorian.
find my optimum health and maintain it.
learn how to play 3 songs on the guitar (that's all you need,right?).
cut an original album (here's looking to you, Norah, Missy, Nelly).
read 20 books. attend 2 movie premiers. go on spontaneous trips.
return to the top of my piano game (carpal tunnel surgery, anyone?)
teach someone how to play the organ. magnify callings.
cherish friendships. be in love. be happy.