bill of rights

so every once in awhile when i check my email, an article on the side catches my eye. for some reason, an article entitled, "the wife's bill of rights" was what caught me this time. its pretty entertaining - i found myself laughing quietly to myself a few times... so here are the highlights:

the wife's bill of rights

by jill adler

preamble: "we, the wives of america, love being married to the husbands of america. we know we have our faults, but with our ever morphing roles these days, there's a lot of pressure on us to be superhuman. we care for our families, manage the home, keep ourselves attractive, and even bring home our share of the bacon. we know we sometimes las out, but we really do want to 'live happily ever after' with you. our mutual acknowldgement of these amendments can go a long way toward achieving that"

"amendment III: we have the right to demand you finish a household job... if you wash the dishes, do them all and clean the sink, too. don't just bag the trash, take it outside to the bin. if you start a load of laundry, put it in the dryer and fold it too. we don't like nagging anymore than you like hearing it."

"amendment VII: we have the right to keep and bear tons of girly bathroom products. you have your tools; so do we. these items are enpensive and to be used sparingly. it brings no joy to see your $15 bath bar shrunk down to the size of a quarter after two passes on your chest and legs." ha ha ha

"amendment IX: we have the right to flirt. not the kind that makes you jealous, but the healthy practice of connecting with another person on a non-sexual level. light banter is fun, quick-witted, and encouraging to our self esteem. it might even remind you of why you fell in love with us. and if it gets us a smokin' deal on that new furnace or a free stay for the family at a million-dollar ski chalet, so much the better."

others include: the right to keep small secrets like hair color and lame tv shows we watch, the right to talk to our girlfriends every day, the right to be grumpy once in a while, and the right to clean air. (for the whole article, click here.)

but, gentlemen, do not be disgruntled. you have your own bill of rights as well. here are the highlights from that:

the husband's bill of rights

by craig playstead

"preamble: we, the husbands of america, do not claim to be perfect. we're far from it. while we love being married to the wives of america, we have a few things that we'd like to straighten out. we're not asking for the world here. we understand that things like following our college football team to every away game is out of the question, as are after dinner cigars. however; there are a few minor things that we'd like to clear up to make our marriage a happy one."

"amendment II: we reserve the right to dislike your friend's husbands. we promise to give the guy a fair shot, but when he starts acting like a moron, we can no longer authorize events with that family. and yes, wives have the same freedom to blackball when the tables are turned. it doesn't mean we like your friend any less, it just means that... we don't want to spend our rare time off with them..."

"amendment III: we have the right to have a few things of ours in the house. everything we hold near and dear to us shouldn't all be in the garage. while we understand that our framed KISS concert poster might not make it on the living room wall, at least throw us a bone. the scene in 'juno' where jason bateman realized that everything he held near and dear was in a 200-square-foot room was a gut-shot to us all."

"amendment X: we have the right to still use chivalry. yes, we know women are strong and independent, and we dig that. but allow us to open the door for you, or give up a seat and act like a gentleman once in a while. the world will be a better place because of it."

others include: the right to watch the big game, the right to not be scolded like children, the right to have as much bathroom reading material as we need, and the right to teach our children how to defend themselves. for the rest of the article, click here.)

ha ha i'm laughing again! i can't help it. the writers were very clever, and i have to admit, i think both sides have valid points. and like it says in the wife's preamble: our mutual acknowldgement of these amendments can go a long way toward achieving that happily ever after we've all dreamed about.

so here's to understanding
and working towards that 'happily ever after'